You be the judge: should my friend stop nicking my seat in my favourite cafe? - The Guardian

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The prosecution: Omar

I told Raoul about the cafe, and he repaid me by taking my favourite spot

My good friend Raoul has just returned from four months travelling in Peru with his girlfriend, which is great because I’ve missed him. But unfortunately, now he is back, we are beefing over our local cafe. Raoul is, I feel, colonising my favourite spot and taking the best seat.

We live on the same road in the sunny European capital where we met two years ago. I’ve hung out a lot with him and his girlfriend, and the three of us would have co-working days at an expensive space in the city centre.

When Raoul went travelling, I decided to cancel my membership there as it was pricey. I found a lovely little cafe round the corner and started working there instead. I love this cafe: it’s light, airy, has these really comfy booths in the back, and also nice soft chairs in the main bit. It plays great music and, best of all, the staff let you work there all day. I often buy lunch and stay for five hours a day, but they don’t mind if you only buy a coffee and still sit there all day. I’m there three to four times a week working remotely as a copywriter for clients back home in the UK.

When Raoul returned, he told me he needed a new co-working spot as he’d cancelled his old one, too. Like a good pal, I put him on to my cafe. Pretty soon afterwards, I started seeing him there every day. That was fine except he would always go for my seat, right in the corner, tucked away from the action but still in the great lighting. I’ve come in a few mornings and said, “What’s this then?” And he just laughs.

I’ve had to move to other tables without plugs because Raoul has decided my table is now his table. It’s annoying because he gets up earlier than me so I don’t think I will ever beat him to my spot. He’s told me to pick another table, but I like this one.

I think he should defer to me before I arrive and set up shop at another table. We don’t always work at this cafe on the same days, but on the days I do come in, Raoul should move elsewhere. It’s irritating because I had to persuade him to come to the cafe, and reassure him that he’d be welcome. And he repays me by stealing my spot. I regret telling him about it now.

The defence: Raoul

Omar doesn’t own the cafe, or the seat. If he wants it, he should get up earlier

The best thing about living abroad is that you are always finding cool new places to eat and hang out. When Omar told me about the cafe near our house I was, like, “great” because after travelling I was too broke to renew the membership to my old co-working space and needed a new spot.

Then he started getting annoyed that I was going, which begs the question: why did he tell me about it in the first place? Whenever he comes in and I’m working at his favourite table he gives me the evil eye. I don’t even go over to say hi until he’s had a coffee and settled in, because he looks as if he wants to kill me.

He calls the table “his seat”. It is nice, admittedly. It’s not next to any other customers, it overlooks the whole cafe and there’s a fantastic selection of plugs to choose from. Then again, it’s a big cafe! There’s enough room for all of us.

There are velvet banquettes in the back but I know Omar doesn’t like to work there as there isn’t any natural lighting. Omar always says he’s “joking” about the seat thing, but I reckon he sort of resents me for sitting where he likes.

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But if he’s not there, then the table is a free-for-all. He doesn’t own the cafe. Or the table. So both of us can sit where we like.

Omar gets up later than me and doesn’t make it into the cafe before midday. I’m there at nine and out by two. When I finish work he often gets up to take the table, so in my mind we sort of share it now and that seems fair.

Omar says I’m disrupting his “workflow” and has even texted my girlfriend, Millie, at 11am to ask where I am. If Millie replies to say I’m at the cafe, he will then text me: “Are you in my seat lol?” I reply: “Yes, I am.” I think he secretly wants me to move before he arrives, but I’m not doing that. I recently offered to text him the days that I will be working there so we can take turns at the best table. Omar replied: “No, no it’s cool.” But I know it’s not. He just doesn’t want to look precious by making a co-working schedule for a cafe. But I’ve tried. What more can I do?

The jury of Guardian readers

Should Raoul shove off and find his own seat/cafe?

Omar not only expects Raoul to behave exactly as he sees fit, he also spurns his obvious solutions. However, Raoul persists in doing something that upsets a friend. Why? If the friendship is worth anything, Raoul should indulge Omar and move off the table at midday or communicate his schedule.
Mike, 55

Raoul and Omar’s work schedules only overlap by two hours, and not even every day, so this impacts Omar very little. If it’s the big deal he makes it out to be, he could either get up earlier or take Raoul up on his work schedule offer.
Aurelia, 23

A cafe is a public space, so neither Omar nor Raoul have a right to any table, whether Omar likes that or not. Omar should work on letting go of his attachment to “his spot”. If he wants an optimal co-working space, he could always pay for one.
Andrew, 33

Raoul has responded reasonably to Omar’s precious behaviour. Would he inform a stranger that it is “his” seat? It seems petty to jeopardise a friendship when their working days barely overlap. Notwithstanding this is actually a cafe, not a workspace!
Alyssa, 35

Omar needs to step back and remember he told Raoul he would be welcome – he is now making it an unwelcome space. This isn’t a co-working space they’re paying for. Omar should either get up early or find another cafe – and don’t tell Raoul about it.
Roscoe, 31

Now you be the judge

In our online poll below, tell us: should Raoul rethink his cafe etiquette?

The poll will close on Thursday 18 May, 10am BST

Last week’s result

Last week we asked if Harriet stop eating in bed, because it annoys her partner Hugo.

93% of you said yes – Harriet is guilty

7% of you said no – Harriet is innocent

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